Your taunted charm and your broken smile touched me unexpectedly

I have just discovered the powers of coffee. I'd drunk coffee before, and though I could just about tolerate it, I never really enjoyed it. Now I am genuinely afraid it will become my new obsession.

Coming into work this morning I felt like this:

So I drank a coffee:

Six more coffees later and I look like this:

Oh god.

Was there a time when rhetoric was not enough?

Fuck, this hasn't been updated for ages. I'm stagnating somewhat at the moment and I can't quite bring myself to write about bad records and charity shops when they're not accompanied by something at least vaguely interesting.

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts these last few days. Most probably brought on by the countless failures that seem to add up to create my so-called life. I woke up monday morning feeling downright rotten. And this was more than just your normal monday morning blues. I'm not quite sure what's happening with my life at the moment and I really hate feeling this out of control. I'd love to have a magic mirror to see where I'll be in 6 months time coz at the moment I have no bloody clue. Could be absolutely anywhere.

So I decided to quash the growing melancholy before I started resembling a 13 year old emo kid muttering 'I hate my life' and shutting myself up in my room listening to TBS. I'm far too old to be able to get away with that now. First off I sent a particularly gushy message to my bestest. She is quite possibly the greatest, and more importantly the most consistent, thing in my life right now and just needed to let her know so. The simple act of sending this message and thinking about our friendship managed to brighten my mood somewhat.

I then reached for my memory box. I haven't looked in this box for at least 6 months but have thrown countless mementos in there as for whatever reason I decided they had sentimental significance. There was alot in there. From old swimming badges I got as a child to a fake rose given to me by an ex-boyfriend to random newspaper cuttings and bits of tinsel. Despite some of the memories being a little hard to take, it was worth it and felt good knowing I had all this to show for my 19 years.

Now it's thursday and I'm feeling much chirpier. Despite coming into work at half 8 in the morning. I'm more positive that things will get better. You may be wondering why I'm bothering to write this at all if I'm already well on my way to feeling myself again but, as I'm sure any blogger would tell you, typing out your thoughts to a faceless audience is unbelievably theraputic.