And though it's hard for me to say, maybe you're better off this way

Just overheard a rather interesting discussion between two teeny chavs on the bus that got me thinking about someone I haven't thought about in quite a while. They were talking about another girl who was apparently just 'using' everyone.

The concept of 'using' someone has always intrigued me.
I mean, don't we 'use' everyone in our lives for different reasons?
We use our mothers for comfort.
Our best friends for support.
And our boyfriends for love.
But obviously this isn't the sort of thing the girl was being criticised for. These examples are acceptable as these people are happy to be 'used' and may even 'use' you in return.
It's all about getting what you need and what's best for you out of your relationships.
Looking after number one, if you like.
I guess the times when this causes problems is when a certain person is unaware that they are being used. And are almost manipulated to suit someone else.

Back to the throw-back this conversation envoked.
I had, until recently, one person I shamlessly used for my own gain.
Simply put he was someone I could call upon, whenever I was feeling down, for an instant ego boost.
That was pretty much the extent of our relationship.
And I always thought he was fine with the arrangement.
Until he suddenly withdrew the compliments and issued me with an ultimatum.
All or nothing.

Now that we've gone our separate ways I have to admit that it's not him I miss so much as what he did for me.
I miss the guilty pleasures that came with his words.
He could've been anyone for all I cared.

So yes, I did use him.

And now, with the benefit of hindsight, I feel bad and have even contemplated contacting him again to apologise.
But honestly I think things are still too fresh.
If asked, I couldn't even begin to try and explain why I did it.
I guess it was a case of after it'd happened once, innocently, I realised how good it felt and just kept doing it.
Exploiting him for my own selfish needs.

I suppose everyone is guilty of using someone this way at least once.
It isn't, as was with my personal experience, always intentional.
I just hope that's it now.
Don't particularly want to do that again. Even if I didn't mean to.
Didn't feel nice and I'd hate to be thought of as the kind of person who doesn't care about anyone but herself.
That's not me.