It's love back to front and no sides

Today is fathers' day.
A day to show your appreciation for that special patriarchal figure in your life.
Hmm let's see...well, I'm in the home of the two people closest to any sort of male role model I can conjure, if that counts? Though, of course, they are not here. Instead we are left to potter around rooms where everything has a place, everything is immaculately clean and, to be honest, it looks like no-one's lived in for a while, alone. I feel like I'm walking round a show house rather than someone's home.

I should really explain that the reason I am here is to animal-sit. The boys had to flight off to Cypress unexpectedly last week after the news that Nick's mum had had a stroke and was in hospital. So I'm now in charge of five chickens, four rabbits and one very fluffy cat who all need feeding, a chance to run about and lots of attention. So far so good.

I'm now sat on their olive green sofa, scribbling into my notebook and watching kerrang. My mum is working away at something or other in the conservatory; all I hear from her is the light slap of books being added to piles and the occasional cuss word. Despite my earlier comments I am enjoying my time here. It feels a bit like I'm on holiday, in a strange sort of way. Same thing different place.

I've been thinking alot about the future recently. Life's a funny thing isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all sewn up and you know exactly where you're headed, something comes along to throw a spanner in the works. This is not necessarily a bad thing, and is really quite exciting, yet still I can't say I'm totally happy with it. My problem is that I have this inbuilt need to always be in control. I want to do it all. But I want to do it my way. It's hard for me to accept that certain things in life are simply out of my hands. I need to stop overthinking things and maybe start taking some risks.

So this is my fathers' day. Sat watching aging rock stars gyrate around, eating doritos and waffling on about meaningless tripe. I wonder how other people are spending today. I must admit I have a sort of stereotypical, hallmark card type image of these sort of occasions stuck in my head that obviously stems from the fact that I have nothing of my own to act as a reference. So these things pose a slight mystery to me. Even mothers' day has never been what I think of as the 'traditional' sort of day in our family. But maybe every family is different and has there own ways of appreciating each other. I dunno. The people who are important to me know it. And I don't need a scheduled date of the year to force me to show it.

Ah David Bowie's 'Jean Genie' is playing. I owe David Bowie alot. If it wasn't for that man I would never have been born.
Fuck what a thought.