A kiss with a fist is better than none

Relationships. They’re funny things aren’t they? So often I see pairings that strike me as unnatural. They never seem to look happy either. As if they know how odd they look to the rest of the world. But of course we all know how so many couples stick together despite being blatantly unhappy. Misery loves company.

I myself have been guilty in the past of clinging onto something I knew full well had ended a long time ago. I was just so desperate to imagine things getting better. That it was just a ‘bad patch’ that we could push through. And at the time I even started to deny how bad things were. Painting a picture of moonlight and roses. Ashamed to admit to my girlfriends that I’d picked yet another loser.

But destructive relationships are almost hypnotic. Somehow you get used to the abuse, the neglect, the anger and start to think that somehow this ridiculous farce equates to love. And I’m not just talking about the extreme kinds of relationships that we all look down on from high on our pedestals. I’m talking about the subtle torture that occurs behind closed doors. Couples with more distaste for each other than they do for a rat on the street. Who grind each other down. And end up stuck in a rut of arguments and silent treatments but somehow just cannot let go.

So are we THAT emotionally needy? That afraid to be alone that we must endure these unhealthy interactions? As if this emotional anguish is the best that we’re ever going to get. That the thought of someone actually wanting to be with us is so alien that we must cling to that despite the calibre of said mate. Our only real system of vetting our potential partners is taking them to meet our closest friends for inspection. And even then we hardly take any notice if what they have to say is negative.

In some ways these sorts of relationships are exciting, sure. That element of mystery that greets you every time you get home. Will tonight’s dinner go smoothly or will the lovingly prepared spag bol end up creating some new form of abstract art on the wall? Surely this isn’t healthy though. I understand that monogamy can quickly become monotony but at least the love is there. Things can be easily spiced up after a quick visit to Ann Summers. Whereas solving major relationship dramas must be hard if people are resorting to humiliating themselves on national telly on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Whatever the reason for it all, I honestly think this is complete bollocks. But I’ve learnt from my mistakes. I feel very strongly that every single person on this earth deserves to be happy. To find someone worthwhile to share their life with. Someone who will really appreciate them. But maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. We shouldn’t settle for less than the best. Personal perfection.

I’m also incredibly protective of my friends now. That old adage ‘mess with her and you mess with me’ couldn’t be more appropriate. I just hate to imagine them going through some of the bad times I have and making the same stupid mistakes I did. If it wasn’t for my best friend I wouldn’t be the strong woman I am today. I will be eternally grateful for everything she’s done for me. Everything she’s put up with. So obviously I want nothing less than the best for her. Her future boyfriends will meet their harshest critic in me. ‘Break her heart and I’ll break your face’. And she’s seen me broken so many times that I know that she feels exactly the same way. Our dynamic is solid. And I pray it always will be.