I wont be messing with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness

It is my maternal grandmother's birthday today.
Yet we haven't sent a card or well-wishing message.
And we don't intend to.
This may seem strange to some but to me, the way I've been brought up and the way my family is, it is perfectly normal.

Let me explain - for all sorts of reasons that I won't go into now, my mother and grandmother have never really got on. There's always been a sense that my nan took great joy in belittling my mum and relished her failures. Surely this isn't how a mother should behave? I remember when I was very young spending time with my nan, and she said something insulting about my mum who wasn't there at the time. I was so shocked that she could be so callous towards her own daughter. I decided from that moment that I didn't want to spend time with someone who is going to bad-mouth possibly the most important person in my life. So we lost touch too. We have tried to build bridges and reconcile over the years. But the effort is always one-sided so gets a bit tiresome when you're trying to sort things out and you're the only one willing to compromise.

I've been thinking about this not only because it is her birthday today, but also because I have recently witnessed some very different family structures which made me look at my own in a new light.

I have been spending time in the presence of a huge, tight-knit family who, in the relatively short time they've known me, have taken me under their wing as if one of their own. Ten family members, covering three generations all live under one roof. Just the atmosphere and the sounds in that house are the polar opposite to that of my own home. But I liked it. It felt warm. Safe. Obviously it has it's drawbacks as with everything but for me, on first impression, it was like walking into something out of an old family movie.

I wondered for a little while if maybe I was missing out? I don't have close links with any of my family with the obvious exception of my mother. My family tree would be very bare. It would be nice to have a loving grandmother who would bake me cakes and things like that, but that's just not my life. I'm not saying one way is any better than the other. I am incredibly lucky to have such a close relationship with my mum which I know a lot of other people, often from larger families, don't experience. Every family is unique and we become the people we are as adults largely because of our upbringing.

I could talk about this forever and ramble on til my fingers bleed but I'll just finish by saying that I may not have a huge family like some but I have people in my life who as so so important to me that they are my family. It's a cheesy thing to say but my friends really ARE my family. This new family reflection has also made me certain that I want a big family of my own. The British Waltons yes please.