Dear Santa

I've been a good girl all year so please can you grant my one wish.

I want a body like this:So get to it would ya Nick?

My boyfriend bought me a pair of new boots so I won't fall on my butt when stepping out onto the ice. Much needed if we plan to venture into London for the Winter Wonderland festivities.
What would I do without him?

Watching these two beauts, eating chocolate coins & drinking tea. Tonight is shaping up quite nicely.

Happy December everyone!

Bells will be ringing the glad glad news.

After a wonderful weekend celebrating my mama's birthday, I can now officially start getting excited about christmas! Advent calendar is bought & ready to be cracked open on wednesday, I've dug out my old favourite cd of christmas songs & may even do some wrapping to really get me into the spirit.

Really wish I was somewhere like this though, it's so beautiful. Can just imagine being snuggled under a fur throw drinking hot chocolate infront of a log fire. Perfect.

I'm in the process of persuading the boyf to take me to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park too. I just think it'll be absolutely lovely to be out enjoying the sights together, wrapped up tight in our warmest clothes & clutching paper cups of coffee to warm our freezing fingers. Let's hope he agrees & I get my wish!

This week I have missed out on random tesco trips to buy fruit gums & chocolate, overly competitive games of Mario, spontaneous gifts, play fights, pillow talk & cuddles in bed.

Remind me never to fall out with my boyfriend again.

Story of my life.

You speak the lines but don't see the truth.

I could not have said this better in a lifetime:

" Every post about rape on an major blog is littered with comments from one or all of these people.

Mr. What About The Men “The real problem here is all these false rape accusations that are destroying our society! 90 million men are falsely accused of rape every second! A woman just has to sort of mumble a word starting with ‘r’ and a man instantly gets a life sentence! There are no instances on record of a woman actually being raped!”

Ms. Tough Girl “If women would learn martial arts—70-year-olds and women with disabilities can do this if they put their minds to it, darnit—and carry weapons everywhere, no one would ever get raped! All you have to do is be ready to threaten your own friends and lovers with lethal force at any moment, any anyone who can’t do that must be weak or something.”

Mr. Model Victims Only Please “The victim was no angel herself. If you look at her record, she’s been arrested several times, she’s a single mother, and she’s living on welfare. So it’s not like she
was some innocent little virgin beforehand. None of this makes it right, but I’m just saying, let’s not overreact like a good woman got ruined.”

Ms. Fashion Police “Did you hear what she was wearing? I’m sorry but that’s just not common sense. If you go out looking like a piece of meat, you have to expect you’ll get treated like a piece of meat.”

Mr. I’m Not Blaming Her But It’s Her Fault “Rape is never the victim’s fault, of course. But I just want people to admit that she has some responsibility. That she maybe played a part in it. That in an alternate universe where she’d done things differently and she lived in a steel Battlemech wearing a chastity belt, she wouldn’t have gotten raped, and she did make the choice to not use a Battlemech. I just need people to acknowledge that.”

Ms. Couples Therapy “I dunno, seems to me like they both made mistakes. Maybe he just wasn’t reading her signals, or maybe she wasn’t communicating clearly to him. A lot can get caught up in an emotional moment like that and I bet they both feel really bad right now.”

Mr. Offensive And/Or Baffling Metaphor “Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”

Ms. CSI “If you put the pieces together, her story just doesn’t wash. She claims that he ripped her pants off, but her pants have a button fly. Ha! And she waited a whole forty minutes after the supposed rape to call the police—who would do that?”

Mr. Troll “lol bitch deserved it loooollll”

Ms. You Don’t Just Get To Decide Whether You Consent “She was seen earlier in the night drinking with this guy, talking to him, and even making out with him! And then she went up to his apartment! What did she think would happen? No one ever goes to a guy’s apartment unless they’re consenting to every sex act he could possibly want.”

Mr. How Do I Not Rape Someone It Is So Difficult “I just don’t understand how to tell if someone is ‘consenting’ or not. What if she secretly decides she doesn’t like it - am I a rapist then? What
if she changes her mind midway through? Or afterwards? It’s impossible to know what women want, so how am I supposed to know if they want to have sex with me or not?”

Ms. Traditional Values “You know, back when women dressed modestly and simply didn’t go out drinking with strangers or going home with people they’d just met, this sort of thing didn’t happen.”

Mr. This Wouldn’t Happen If Women Would Just Fuck Me Already “This sort of thing is inevitable when women constantly act as gatekeepers and doom beta males to a life of frustration and loneliness. Of course rape is horrible, but the pent-up rage felt by men cast aside just because they weren’t billionaire underwear models has to express itself somehow.”

Ms. Avoid The R-Word “Wow, that is just not cool. Having sex under those circumstances—I mean, treating a girl like that—you know, being inappropriate with her—is a totally insensitive and downright mean thing to do.” "

Love, I’ve come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.

— Nicholas Sparks

Oh my. Well hello Mr. Josh Hartnett. How on earth could I have forgotten about you?

Why do all good things come to an end?

Penultimate episode of 'True Blood' tonight. I don't know what I'm gonna do once it's finished.

I am by no means a royalist but the news that Prince William & Kate Middleton are due to be married has filled me with such joy. And the fact that he gave her his mother's engagement ring was simply beautiful. Turns out I'm a bit of a softie really.

Being referred to in the media as 'the commoner who will be queen' makes me think of a classic 'My Fair Lady'-esque, rags-to-riches story. I love it. After all, she's living every little girl's dream & marrying her prince.

Hold the wheel and drive

So my boyfriend has decided to buy me driving lessons for christmas. He's really excited about the idea. I, on the other hand, not so much. Partly as it's not exactly the kind of gift you imagine getting from your boyfriend your first christmas together but also 'coz I'm really not bothered about the whole driving thing. He's said he'll buy me something else too but I'm still hesitant as I don't want him to waste his money on something I'm not going to take full advantage of.

I'm nearly 21 & I have never driven. I've only ever sat behind the wheel of car twice. And that after much badgering. I was never one of those teens who looked forward to turning 17 & taking driving lessons. I always figured I'd learn eventually, it just wasn't a major priority for me. Now, three & a half years later, I'm still at that point. I don't feel my life is hindered by my lack of car skills so what's the rush? The boyf says if I don't do it now, while I'm young, I'll regret it when I'm older but even so. I also don't see the point of putting in all that time & effort to get a license to do something that I actually won't be able to do for at least another year as there's no way I'm going to be able to afford a car.

But I suppose if he's set his mind on the idea then I may just have to suck it up. Besides, it'll be nice to have some leverage over him & the guilt may buy me a few more pretty things. Every cloud eh?

'When the one you love breaks your heart by leaving you, you don't fall into his arms when he says sorry, like Bella.
You punch him, like Hermione.'

Here we go again...

Once again I am going through some crazy, over-emotional phase. It must be hormonal. But whatever the cause it needs to stop now, even I am getting annoyed by it now. I just wish I could control myself & not fly off the handle or start weeping at the smallest of things.

And in addition to the ridiculous amount of crying, I also can't seem to stop eating. It's as if my body is preparing itself for hibernation or something. But instead I shall just be about two dress sizes bigger by the start of 2011. Undoing all my previous hard work & reverting me back to square one.

Maybe it's something to do with this time of year? I have no reason to be so damn emotional & as there is no actual cause as such, it's proving impossible to solve. Do I just have to wait & hope it goes away in is own time? Joy.

"Everything will be alright in the end. If its not alright, then it's not the end"

It's the most wonderful time of the year

I love this time of year so much. Run up to Christmas; shops chock full of variety boxes, special offers & advent calendars. Halloween in two weeks, fun night in with films, foods & dress up planned. I am super excited. Plus going to London on saturday with the boy which will be no less than awesome. Hells yeah.

Love is...

The greatest relationships are the ones that hurt. Not 'cause of him, but because of the guys before him. The one’s who led you to believe all boys are the same. Who make you think you’ll never find your happily ever after. The relationship that hurts to change your views on all guys. You’re so used to giving everything & getting nothing in return. But when you’ve found the greatest relationship, all your efforts never go unappreciated & every little thing counts. The relationship that makes you realize when you take the risk between getting hurt & getting saved, you don’t always have to hurt. The hurt that heals you. The hurt that’s turned into love.

The greatest relationships are the ones that never stops giving. When you do things for him that might hurt you, but in the end is always worth it because his happiness equals yours. When you end up putting him first when you never dreamed of finding someone worthy. His smile inspires you. His love drives you to be the best you can be everyday. When giving to him, is never a problem, or even a choice, but simply a lifestyle.

Hoyt > Eric

Yeah I went there.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage."

I want a party with room fulls of laughter, ten thousand tons of ice cream...

After a wonderful day of much indulgence today I've reassessed my attitude towards one of the biggest loves of my life - food. Food is delicious. Food is exciting. Food is sensual. Food is whatever you want it to be. And food is always there.

We modern women obsess over looking 'perfect', over being stick-thin, over achieving the unachievable so much so that we deprive ourselves the joy that comes from treats that are out there merely to tantalize our tastebuds. I refuse to give up on taste. I cannot live a life of bland-ness.
Honestly, I think I would get far greater pleasure from allowing myself these little luxuries than I would from being say, half a stone, lighter. Our critical opinions of our own beings will never fully go away so why punish yourself? I eat well, I exercise & look after myself inside AND out so surely I should be allowed to go out with my boyfriend or my best friend or my mum & have a night of pigging out. Why the hell not?! We only live once, there are thousands of flavours out there & I for one want to taste as many as I can in my time. Live to eat not eat to live.

I dream of a full time job, pay slips, a stable relationship, a home, early mornings, early nights, someone to cook for. Forever.

When I was young...

and was allowed on the internet I would just go on neopets or cbbc games. Why the fuck are there 12 year olds with facebook/tumblr/youtube accounts now?
Where has your childhood gone?

I have no qualms in admitting my first ever crush was Simba from 'The Lion King'. I later found out that he was voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Who, incidentally, was my second crush. It all makes sense.

Four year old Paige Bennethum really, really didn't want her daddy to go to Iraq. So much so, than when Army Reservist Staff Sgt. Brett Bennethum lined up in formation at his deployment this July, she couldn't let go.

No one had the heart to pull her away.

Reasons I know I'm turning into an old woman:

- I drink more tea than a vicar.

- My nights are more commonly spent with me feet up on the sofa than out on the town with my tootsies imprisoned in 6 inchers.
- Playing games & completing crossword puzzles make me happy.
- Technology is scary & impossible to use.

- A blanket on the knees is standard evening wear.

But you know what? I don't even care. I'm happy & this is me.

I always thought I hated grunge.
Turns out I'm just pissed off coz I'm too fat to carry it off

There is no right or wrong. There is only fun and boring.

Yes. It's true

I have the best boyfriend in the world <3

Anything you want done baby, I'll do it naturally

Just waved my mum off on a week away with my nana. If someone had told me a year ago that these two would be spending a holiday together, I would never have believed them. Not in a million years. But now, strangely enough, it seems right. The timing fits & everyone seems finally able to put the past aside & just be a family again. Which is nice.

So, with my mother away I am left to manage the house & look after, not only myself, but the boyface too. I'm looking forward to it though. A week long taster of what it'd be like living together. I have lots planned for us. Although if I fail as a domestic goddess I may just kill myself.

This is what my love looks like

Today at work this obnoxiously loud woman was talking about how mothers should not be allowed to wear tight clothes or skirts because it sets a bad example for their children, or specifically she said 'daughters'.

I think this is ridiculous. I turned around & said 'I'd take a mum that actually takes care of her kids in a mini-skirt over a mum who neglects them in a sweatshirt any day'. I think the idea of having to de-womanize yourself for your child is proposterous.

In my opinion, being proud of your body is one of the major things you should teach your daughter. Confidence is one of the most important things in the life of a female, and I don't want my daughter to have to suffer through insecurity. Sometimes I think I could be a nudist. There's something so liberating about being completely unashamed of your body. I love how unapologetic they are. I think that takes alot of, for lack of a better term, balls.

Anyways, this is how I feel. Sorry if you don't like it.
Well actually, I'm not really sorry at all.

"I myself am made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions"

I've forgotten what I started fighting for...

I think I'm angling for a fight at the moment. Not a physical fight. Obviously. That would merely result in me bloody, bruised & embarrassed by my failure. But a passionate, screaming row. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

The last few weeks or so I've been snapping at everyone for no particular reason. It's like I have to argue against what they've said simply because I can. I'm not big-headed enough to think that I'm always right so it's not that. I can't help it either. My poor boyfriend has had to put up with more moody rants & criticisms from me than I'd wish on anyone. He must think I hate him. I'm hoping this is just a phase, maybe I'm hormonal or something. I'm tired of being a bitch & of constantly upsetting the people I love. If I keep pushing them away, soon enough they'll just up & leave. It's time for me to change.

I dunno exactly how I'm gonna do it & it's not gonna be easy but I know that I need to nip this in the bud now. Maybe if I try the old anger management technique of simply counting to three when something annoys you before reacting. Who knows. But watch this space. Soon you'll see a transformation from a dragon to a princess. Well, as close to a princess as I could ever be anyway.

Doctor Doctor, give me the news. I've got a bad case of loving you

What a joy to have this beaut visit me in my dreams <3

Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?

The other day I watched The Single Man, the queer Tom Ford film starring Colin Firth & the hot one from Skins. I wasn't expecting it to be sexy (to be honest I wasn't expecting much at all) but oh lordy. That scene where they both naked & frolic about in the sea gave me tingles. Anyone who knows me will know that this is not uncommon. I have a serious thing for the guy-on-guy action. But this unexpectedly sexy piece of gay cinema got me thinking about other memorable treats. I've made a list of my personal favourites which are in no particular order. Enjoy bitches

Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001): The Perfect Threesome Scene

Being involved in a threesome with Gael Garcia Bernal & Diego Luna is my ultimate fantasy. The best part about the gay moment in this film is that you don't expect it. You're just casually watching, concentrating, lost in their hotness then, BAM! They're making out.

Milk (2008): The Eating Cake In Bed Scene

I'm sorry but I think Sean Penn is hot. Is it just me? And we all know the general conseus on James Franco. So the scene where they eat cake & kiss in bed is perfect. I think I just wish I was that cake...

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985): Johnny Licks Omar's Neck

My Beautiful Laundrette is wonderful because it's a film about a gay relationship that doesn't make homosexuality the point of the film's conflict. Big deal given the timing. Set in the Asian community in London during the Thatcher-ite years, the love between Johnny & Omar is offered as one thing that's simple and good amid the complex issues of race and class. The hottest bit is when a deliciously sweaty Johnny licks his lovers neck. Oh how I want you 80s Daniel Day Lewis.

My Own Private Idaho (1991): The Whole Film

Gus Van Sant made My Own Private Idaho as a road movie. A road movie about a gay, narcoleptic, junkie prostitute. With River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves as leads. Need I say more?

I think I need to be alone now...

I'll carry you when you need a friend

I love this so much:



Since 2008, two French hikers have been chronicling their trek from Miami, FL to the tip of South America, a journey of 15,000km (about 9,320 miles) through 13 countries.

But what's elevated this trek down the hemisphere straight into the cuteosphere is the third member of the team: a stray kitten who joined them in Louisiana.

The day the music died

Ian Curtis: 15th July 1956 - 18th May 1980

It's silly wrong but vivid right

My boyfriend thinks I have a torture fetish...


The more I try & explain myself, the worse things seem to sound...





Maybe he's right...


FUCK.

We're perfect only in our imperfection

There's been alot of talk flying about regarding the whole:
'to airbrush or not to airbrush' debate. A very modern clash of views. The traditional vs. the contemporary. My own opinion on the subject has flip-flopped so much I'm even sure exactly where I stand. Tis a complex issue.

Well alright we all know it's wrong to portray a false image as the truth; showing stick thin models with gorgeous clothes beautiful fitted to their lack of curves is just unrealistic. No-one is naturally that skinny. Not without major health issues anway. And obviously the impact it has on young girls is shocking. Apparently 1/3 of six year old girls asked said they were unhappy with their bodies. What on earth has gone so wrong with this world that six year old girls, CHILDREN, feel under pressure to look a certain way. It's bad enough adults have to deal with the constant barrage of self-confidence denting propaganda without subjecting it to our children too! They're being forced to grow up too fast & feel from such a young age that they're inferior.

But then on the other hand I know that if my face were being plastered all over magazines & billboards I'd want my imperfections corrected, no-one wants their flaws emphasized especically not to such a massive audience. Even the most gorgeous people in the world have their off days & get the occassional blemish on their otherwise perfect complexion. In that sense one could view it a form of photographic make-up.

Though even having said that I still have to rein it in a little bit & say it's all about degrees. Sure a little touch up to cover a spot or scar is fine but what about changing skin tone? Slimming thighs? Boosting hair? They can do all sorts these days. I would honestly say it's too far when the contrast between the original & the airbrushed version shocks you. When the person looks dramatically different. The whole idea of airbrushing, or so I thought, was to enhance rather than change how a person looks. Skimming through a magazine & never seeing a single person who looks real, like they would on the street, is a saddening thought.

I'm not sure what should or could be done about it though, I'm not an expert. I know there's been calls to have it banned altogether but I think that's a bit excessive. One psychologist suggested adding warnings & notes to airbrushed pictures, as a sort of safety net. Telling young girls that, even though this image is in a magazine & looks good, it isn't 100% authentic. I guess it doesn't really have to be a warning as such either. Adding a footnote at the bottom of the picture 'Airbrushing by...' the same way they do with make-up & hair would cover all bases. Those who want it to stay are content seeing the images they enjoy, whilst those who oppose it shall take comfort in the attachments acknowledgements. Balance is the key thing here.

As for me, I'll continue to feature in natural, often unexpected, sometimes repulsive, but always unairbrushed pictures. Thankfully they rarely extend further than my own personal photo collection so I'm not too fussed. I know what I look, so do my friends & family, so why try to be something I'm not. Gotta try & love the skin your in.